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I am not a failure!

Finding Your Divorce Affirmation

At some point, almost every woman who goes through a divorce says, “I feel like a failure.” Self-doubt is a common reaction to divorce. This self-doubt occurs more often in women than it does in men. This is true even though after age 40, more women than men initiate divorces.

Not only is self-doubt higher in women after divorce but also, emotional recovery from divorce seems to take longer for women. So, why are divorced women more likely to be “the walking wounded”? Perhaps, it is because women are more relationship-oriented than men. Women love to be in relationships and yearn for connections with others. They bond deeply. They love deeply. They tend to be loyal. Losing the central relationship in their lives, even a bad one, injures them. Feeling bad, they may turn on themselves and blame themselves. Many people do. Do you?

If the answer if “yes”, there are many things which might trigger feelings of failure for you.

  • Maybe, you are lonely and wondering if you will be alone forever.
  • Maybe, you feel rejected and wonder if you are desirable.
  • Maybe, you miss what you remember as the good parts of the marriage or the good qualities of your ex-spouse.
  • Maybe, you are just plain scared and filled with doubts about how you will manage life as a single woman.
  • Maybe, you are dealing with the loss and support of friends and family because some people chose allegiances with your ex-spouse instead of you.
  • Maybe, you are dwelling on and regretting mistakes you made.
  • Maybe, you just feel deeply sad that the vows you made were broken or that your kids are now from a broken home.
  • Maybe, you are confused and sad that “the dream of living happily ever after” with a person you believed was “the one” turned out so badly.
  • Maybe, you have no clue as to what went wrong. You just feel lost. The list can go on…

Whatever the thoughts or feelings you are having, do know that it is normal to feel bad when you go through a divorce. Some self-doubt is normal. It actually encourages you to question yourself, assess your own mistakes, learn and grow. However, dwelling on self-doubts and feelings of failure will only send you into a depression. They will not really help you.

During and after a divorce, you owe yourself support and love. You need to HEAL. You need to move on in your life The critical thing is to stop second guessing yourself or questioning yourself and instead, FORGIVE yourself! An important part of forgiving yourself is thinking about yourself differently.

Think positively. Trade your old thought, “I am a failure” for “I am not a failure” or even better, “I am a success” Of course, you have made mistakes. Everyone does. In all likelihood, you did your best. Now, you need to start thinking of yourself in a positive way. Affirmations are simple positive statements which you can use to train your mind to think more positively. They really can help you to change your thought patterns about yourself. Once you change your thoughts, then, positive feelings and hope will follow.

Here is a list of affirmations you can use:

I am a powerful woman.
I am a beautiful woman.
I am an independent woman
I am good enough.
I am great.
I am loveable.
I did my best. I always do my best.
I can do this.
I am a success.
I am excited about my new beginning.
I am brave.
I am strong.
I am resourceful and creative.
I am a beautiful being of light.
I welcome abundance into my life.
I welcome loving relationships into my life.
I am safe and secure.
I am free to be myself.
I really do like myself.

If you are drawn to one, but having trouble feeling that it is really true, you can begin with “I am willing to be…..” For example, if you don’t feel ready to say, “I am a success”, you can say, “I am willing to be a success.”.

Pick an affirmation or make up one that is right for you. Say it over and over to yourself throughout the day (in the shower, in the car, on your walk). You will find that it becomes a habit. Eventually, with practice, you will begin to feel it’s truth and you will begin to feel the glorious positive feelings that come with it.

Go for it! You deserve to feel good about yourself!

When you chose two or three affirmations, put them on post-it notes all around the house. Every week change the colors and affirmations.

I would love to hear your comments below.

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