If you are divorced and have children, it is very likely that at some point, you will be faced with spending time in the same room or even at the same table with your ex-spouse at one of your children’s special events or celebrations. If it was a amicable divorce, no problem… If it was contentious, these events can be very stressful. We are talking about gatherings such as awards nights, plays, sporting events/games, recitals, banquets, graduations, weddings, christenings, etc. Unless your ex has totally alienated himself from the children or moved far away, it is likely that you will end up sharing time and space at special celebrations.
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Going through a divorce, you usually do best if you have a team to help you get through the process. Possible members of that team might be your attorney, your accountant, your friends, your family and even your coach and/or your therapist. Ideally, every one of these people has an expertise and plays an important role informing you and helping you. It is important to listen to your team members. However, in the end, the most important member of your team for you to listen to is you. After all, it is your life you are putting back together. Your sense of your best interests is paramount.
If you are facing divorce, you are also facing the reality that now, you and only you are in charge of your life. This realization can be both exciting and frightening all at the same time. It is important to develop strategies for living your life effectively as a single woman/head of household.
Negotiation presents a positive option for anyone facing a dispute. The dispute can be big or small. It can involve any kind of a problem in any setting. It is a gentler, less contentious approach to conflict resolution. Instead of digging in your heels for the sake of proving you are right or focusing on getting every single thing you want, you can choose to negotiate. The goal of negotiation is for two or more parties to solve a problem between them through compromise. It requires that the participants have more interest in finding a fair solution than fighting to win. No matter how difficult relationships may be, if people are committed to solving a problem in a reasonable and thoughtful way, it is possible for them to find a mutually acceptable agreement. In this respect, one could say that in the end, everyone wins.
Your mind is racing. You have so much to think about and too much to do. Pressures and stresses abound. You have read about ways to manage stress and relax. It’s all sounds good. You may have tried some suggestions such as taking a yoga class or practicing meditation when you have had a little free time. However, when you’ve been pressed, you have not tried to add anything extra to your schedule. These days, you just don’t feel you have enough time to do what you have to do to keep life going. Suggestions that you owe it to yourself to take time to relax may actually annoy you. You may think, “Give me a break, I am doing the best I can!”
Thinking seriously about getting a divorce? Perhaps, there is nothing to think about because it is already happening. Whatever the case, if divorce appears to be inevitable, it is important to think carefully about how to proceed.
This is the first of a series of practical tips for women facing divorce:
So, as a divorced single parent, you are probably working double duty to raise your kids, run your household and earn a living. The kids’ dad may see them regularly and may even be participating in their lives in a very positive way. Or, maybe he is not. Either way, you are faced with what to do as your kids face holidays which honor their father. We are talking about Father’s Day, their dad’s birthday and any other days your family has traditionally celebrate
If you and your “ex” were still together, it is likely that you, as the Mom, would take your kids out to buy cards and gifts or help them get together materials to make their own. Depending on their ages and their wishes, you would probably be sort of a facilitator. You might remind them about the holiday, transport them to stores, depending on their ages pay for whatever they chose for gifts and make the experience of honoring their dad positive and even fun. As a result, it is likely the kids would feel engaged and proud as they participated.
No Need to be a Super Woman Any More
“When All Else Fails, Lower Your Expectations” was a bumper sticker I found when I was working on my dissertation, commuting to school, raising two little kids and generally too busy. I found the sentiment helpful and you may too.
As a woman going through divorce or re-emerging afterward, you owe it to yourself to reconsider the expectations you hold for yourself. This is especially true if you are a perfectionist fighting to maintain your perfectionism even if you are extremely busy. From the outside, you may look like Super Woman. However, on the inside, you may feel stressed, frazzled, overloaded, and overwhelmed.
Spiritual seekers name Gratitude as one of the qualities which raise our vibration and bring us closer to Enlightenment.
I like that idea. However, today, in this article, I am writing about gratitude as a modest but helpful way to boost our energy and self-esteem.
No matter what life has handed us, gratitude helps us to feel warm, positive and hopeful. When it comes from others, we feel appreciated and supported. When we give it to ourselves, we feel worthy, encouraged and whole. Remembering to focus on gratitude is a simple and uplifting practice that helps us to appreciate who we are and also helps to build our self-esteem. Read more
So, you are working to GET THROUGH/RECOVER from your divorce, REDISCOVER who you are and of course, MOVE ON.
That is wonderful! Remember, it takes time. However, with commitment, it is definitely something you can do.
Now, let’s not get so serious that we forget to smile. It is important to remember that smiling, laughing and having fun will accelerate the process of recovery and help you feel better, too. Research has shown that when we make a half smile, our brains release chemicals (serotonin and endorphins) which help us feel uplifted and positive. Smiling not only helps us feel good, but it also improves our mood.