If you are divorced and have children, it is very likely that at some point, you will be faced with spending time in the same room or even at the same table with your ex-spouse at one of your children’s special events or celebrations. If it was a amicable divorce, no problem… If it was contentious, these events can be very stressful. We are talking about gatherings such as awards nights, plays, sporting events/games, recitals, banquets, graduations, weddings, christenings, etc. Unless your ex has totally alienated himself from the children or moved far away, it is likely that you will end up sharing time and space at special celebrations.
Going through a divorce, you usually do best if you have a team to help you get through the process. Possible members of that team might be your attorney, your accountant, your friends, your family and even your coach and/or your therapist. Ideally, every one of these people has an expertise and plays an important role informing you and helping you. It is important to listen to your team members. However, in the end, the most important member of your team for you to listen to is you. After all, it is your life you are putting back together. Your sense of your best interests is paramount.
If you are facing divorce, you are also facing the reality that now, you and only you are in charge of your life. This realization can be both exciting and frightening all at the same time. It is important to develop strategies for living your life effectively as a single woman/head of household.
Valentine’s Day is upon us. It certainly can be an emotional time for people who are divorced, especially those who have not found or even looked for somebody else to love. Unfortunately, some divorced women may find themselves still longing for the man who left them behind. Ironic, isn’t it? Someone deeply hurt you and you still think about and even want that person back. What is it about some of us that makes us so prone to spending precious time and energy longing for someone who left us?
Negotiation presents a positive option for anyone facing a dispute. The dispute can be big or small. It can involve any kind of a problem in any setting. It is a gentler, less contentious approach to conflict resolution. Instead of digging in your heels for the sake of proving you are right or focusing on getting every single thing you want, you can choose to negotiate. The goal of negotiation is for two or more parties to solve a problem between them through compromise. It requires that the participants have more interest in finding a fair solution than fighting to win. No matter how difficult relationships may be, if people are committed to solving a problem in a reasonable and thoughtful way, it is possible for them to find a mutually acceptable agreement. In this respect, one could say that in the end, everyone wins.
Your mind is racing. You have so much to think about and too much to do. Pressures and stresses abound. You have read about ways to manage stress and relax. It’s all sounds good. You may have tried some suggestions such as taking a yoga class or practicing meditation when you have had a little free time. However, when you’ve been pressed, you have not tried to add anything extra to your schedule. These days, you just don’t feel you have enough time to do what you have to do to keep life going. Suggestions that you owe it to yourself to take time to relax may actually annoy you. You may think, “Give me a break, I am doing the best I can!”
Thinking seriously about getting a divorce? Perhaps, there is nothing to think about because it is already happening. Whatever the case, if divorce appears to be inevitable, it is important to think carefully about how to proceed.
This is the first of a series of practical tips for women facing divorce:
It’s summer! The kids are on vacation from school. Depending on your divorce decree/separation agreement, your kids may be spending the summer or part of it with their dad. How do you feel about that? Hopefully, you have a good relationship with their dad and the kids are totally comfortable with him and his family so you feel good about it. While you may miss them, time for yourself can sound pretty good.
That’s the ideal. Even if the circumstances are less than ideal, it is very important that you handle kids’ time with their dad with grace and ease. Read more
It is important to be clear minded and grounded as you deal with divorce related matters. A simple way to help yourself get there is developing the habit of taking a walk every day. Ideally, you have thirty minutes a day for your walk. However, twenty minutes and even ten minutes can be very helpful.
Walking helps reduce anxiety. Walking in the woods or in some other natural setting helps reduce it even more. Part of this is that moving large muscles in a somewhat unpredictable way (playing basketball, dancing and even walking along a varied terrain) helps us release tension more effectively .
Don’t Let Your Feelings Drive the Bus: Better to let Your “Wise Mind” Take Charge During and After Your Divorce
Divorce/divorcing can bring out intense unresolved feelings. During the process and afterward, it is not unusual to feel anger, hurt and sadness. Guilt and blame may be strong. In addition, there is normal grieving over the loss of our dream of how we thought the relationship and our life would be. With all this emotion and intensity, we can lose our perspective as to what is in our best interests or, for that matter, our children’s best interests.
During life transitions such as divorce when we are feeling upset and highly emotional, basic survival instincts kick in. We go into “fight or flight.” We may perceive a threat to our survival. Realistically, often in divorce, we are actually facing high stakes and potential losses of all kinds. Fear is understandable.